I did a series of these years ago while at KRXQ in Sacramento. We released them all as part of the “No Talent Ass Clown” album. Which benefited the National Center For Missing & Exploited Children, in Roseville, CA. I felt really good about being able to do something nice for kids. And, the center were really appreciative of the money we raised. So…I use that as justification for making fun of Santa Claus.

A good gift idea that’s truly one-of-a-kind. They’re not just for kids anymore. Plus, they’re good for the environment, don’t contribute to global warming, and won’t cause pregnancy. Ok…I can’t exactly guarantee impotence. Wait! That doesn’t read right. Let’s face it…you love ’em. I love ’em. Everyone loves…a hickey!

This cow milked yet? Let’s take another dip into the Santa mailbag from the CD, “No Talent Ass Clown.” I have seen these letters on the internet for years. Thought we could have some fun with them on the air. People laughed. So, we did an entire series. I’d like to do updated versions of these sometime. I’m sure we could write some funny stuff.

Greatest Xmas Gift….Ever. I did this originally way back in 1995, when I was at WAAF in Boston. I took it with me to Memphis, New Orleans, Columbus, and then, when I got to Sacramento, we decided to put it on an album. I have been *told* that Phil has heard this. Apparently his brother was a listener in New Orleans. When I was down there, one of the locals told me he was aware of the bit. I asked about Phil, and I guess he knew…but I never heard anything back from him. So…here’s hoping, after 20 years, he’s got a sense of humor.

My old morning show from Sacramento were the epitome of “prima donnas.” Not unlike many morning shows, they spent a good amount of time ripping on the station that wrote their checks. On this occasion, they spent almost an entire show, lamenting the fact that the chairs in the studio, were garbage. Valid point. However, they had a listener, who worked at an office supply store, hook them up with new chairs. They made a huge point of announcing that the chairs belonged *only* to the morning show, and went so far as to lock them to the CD rack in the back of the studio. So that nobody else could use them. Well…The night guy and I lifted said rack, unhooked the chairs, and stole them. Hid them in a locked closet. They went nuts. The whole next morning was devoted to what a-holes we were. This was my apology.